I have 2 boys and 2 girls and I plan to have them share bedrooms until they leave the house. It’s something I feel strongly about because I know there are real long and short term benefits and because I am an only child who only wishes she had that opportunity.

You see, I missed out on this special bond of siblings so I am always exploring the ways that siblings bond and interact, and the many benefits of having siblings. Like a research scientist, I dissect, explore and investigate this interesting and often challenging relationship. I believe it’s one of the many reasons that I was blessed with 4 kids, to show me the other side and to help me grow as well with lots of noise and commotion under one roof (my house was very quiet growing up).

Going away to college with a rude awakening, like really rude. I never shared a room with anyone ever. Now I was in a 200 square foot rectangle, cramped in with the typical dorm room necessities of two twin extra long beds on cinder blocks and a desk and chair. Like a typical only child, my things were my comfort, my siblings, so I proceeded to pack up my entire bedroom at home and attempt to bring it all with me to college as some sort of security blanket. Needless to say, I had very little storage space, hence the raised up bed. But, my God, I brought along all my books, all my notebooks, every little knick knack that I cherished. But, do you think I opened those plastic storage bins once? They didn’t need to be opened, they just needed to be with me, safely tucked under my bed.

The other item that came with going away to college was a ROOMMATE. Totally new territory. Did I mention rude awakening? We were very different in our temperaments, me loud and opinionated, she more internal. She was much more happy-go-lucky California girl like a cheerleader and I was more brooding New Yorker, into grunge music. (It was the 90’s after all). I decorated my side of the room with thousands of ripped out pages from fashion magazines, like wall to wall filled with beautiful women dressed in upscale clothing in varying poses, to me it was art and it was joy. Her side of the room was decorated with cutesy cards and pictures from her friends at home, memorabilia from movies, baseball games, homecoming events. You get the picture, total opposites.

She also was not a morning person. Remember, I never had to be quiet getting ready in the morning before, there wasn’t anyone asleep in my house when I wasn’t. Picture this… it’s early morning, we’re both up getting ready for our 1st class (we had similar majors so classes overlapped). We’re both primping in our respective mirrors and I’m babbling away talking about who knows what, but to her must have felt like endless droning, then I hear a loud and prolonged “SHHHHHHHHHHHH.” 

She had had enough and I will never forget it. That shut me up, I was shocked but it was a powerful lesson that I still to this day remember and think about often. Which gets me to the point of this post: had I grown up with a sibling in my bedroom, I most likely would have been more empathic to the fact that she needed quiet in the morning. I would have learned a whole lot more things that would prepare me for the time when I shared a space with a roommate, or office mate, or husband. I’m still learning how to share! My husband hates it when I refer to it as my room and not our room!

My kids will forever be in shared rooms, maybe it’s because I feel I missed out but I also know there is real research that shows they will benefit.

Here are some of the benefits:

• Better problem solving skills: fights over bedtimes, making noise, bothering each other and needing space will eventually lead to them finding solutions that make them both feel satisfied
• More empathy: spending time with someone so much allows him or her to develop special senses to what the other is feeling
• Shared bonding which will help with their relationships and others: those nighttime talks when the lights are out are priceless, letting their guard down in the dark
• Better communication: relates to those above, but along the lines of having someone always there in their space requires them to learn to get their point across in a civil manner
• Sense of security and comfort in others: there is nothing like knowing they have a buddy in the room, this helps to fall asleep faster and stay asleep knowing they are not alone

After knowing the benefits and seeing first hand it’s a no brainer, those siblings will be friends for life!

Supermom to the Rescue!

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