I’ve come to a realization. I’m never going to get the accolades from others that will make me feel safe and whole from outside of myself. So I decided that I will write myself a letter. The kind that I’ve always wanted to hear, specifically when it comes to parenting and my role as a mom.

Dear Self,

You are doing your best and your children know it. Every time you scream, or cry, or complain, or are impatient, it’s ok. Your kids are learning that everyone copes and responds to situations differently and every response it as it should be.  You are not traumatizing them, you are teaching them what it means to be authentic, true to yourself and resilient. 

You don’t have to be so strict. You don’t have to be so rigid. You can take the kids out late on a school night or serve them chocolate for dinner. It’s not going to scar them to have some spontaneous fun. You don’t have to keep them all wrapped up in a tight box in order for YOU to feel safe and secure. They won’t turn out like you if you let them go to bed outside of their regular bed time. (And by the way, what’s wrong with turning out like you?) You ARE providing security by mostly setting rules and structure for their bedtime, device use and sugar levels. It’s good to give them a balance.

 Everything you do and everything you are is perfect. Your children came into this world specially made to push all your buttons but also to learn and grow from you specifically as their mom. They love you. They appreciate you. They look up to you. They want to spend their time with you. They will be successful because of the lessons you taught them both verbally and by modeling. When you are having a bad or sad day, you don’t have to be ashamed or feel bad that you are showing this to your children. Own it and then explain to them it in kid terms.

It’s ok when you are too tired to load the dishwasher. It’s ok to leave all the toys on the living room floor overnight. They won’t miss out if you don’t have daily family dinners. They’ll survive watching hours of Netflix and playing Fortnite so you can catch up on your emails, or even to read a book. It’s ok if you don’t feel like telling them one more story while rubbing their back at bedtime, so you can get to watching the next episode of “This is Us” instead. Taking time for self-care is not selfish. Showing them that it’s not only important but crucial to give yourself a time out, to take time for yourself to fill your cup.

It’s amazing that you are able to stay at home with your little ones directly. It’s amazing that you cook dinner every night with love, with a true desire to serve them nourishing, homemade meals. You being around gives them boundless security and confidence. They will someday appreciate all that you provide.

I know you live in a world where you are nervous about how your kids will turn out. I know you toggle between letting go and pure terror. But guess what, it will all turn out alright because your heart is in it and it shows. No family member or another mom can make you feel bad about your parenting because you got this, so let that all melt away and hug your kids (and yourself) tighter tonight!

Supermom to the Rescue!

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