Never before about a month ago had I heard of the term “highly sensitive person.” Apparently it’s been a known trait for at least 24 years, when the book “The Highly Sensitive Person” written by Dr. Elaine Aron was published. According to the research about 15 to 20% of the population is highly sensitive. How could I have gone all these years and not realized I am one! Here are some qualities of the trait that I really connect to (from the self-test at http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/:

• I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once
• I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations
• I become unpleasantly aroused when a lot is going on around me
• I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment
• Other people’s moods affect me
• I startle easily

Other characteristics that are common among this trait is an introverted, shy demeanor. Now, you must know, I am not shy in any way. I am forthcoming with my thoughts and opinions and generally like to be out and about with people. I look forward to parties and social gatherings. I am an extroverted HSP and it’s even a smaller subset of the population that is like this, so I’m a dime a dozen….

I was attending an NBA basketball game a month ago, doing so to bring joy to my kids’ faces that I joined them on something they love. Nothing about the experience was pleasurable for me, in fact it was like a nightmare. It was sheer torture for me. The seats were up too high, there were too many loud noises, smells and people. It was late at night and downtown LA, known to be a sketchy area. All my senses were reeling. How could it be that I was doing something nice and sharing for my children yet it was an unbearable experience for me? I was baffled with this thought for a few days, not knowing what to make of this all. Through a few conversations with people, I was referred to this apparently well known trait called HSP.

Learning and reading about it over the past month has been eye opening. I understand now more than ever why I reacted to certain triggers over my life. Why for instance, I get overwhelmed so easily, why I need a lot of down time and space, why I am sensitive to strong smells and itchy fabrics, why I hate to be snuck up on and scared, why I notice every fine detail of a room’s energy and the people in it.

Being a parent now, I feel has brought this all out. It’s mentioned that we are highly sensitive at birth. Well, that may be true for some, but I think it came out more when I became a mom. As an only child, I was often alone so I had my space and I wasn’t forced to do much at a time so I didn’t get too overwhelmed. Now having children and 4 at that, really pushes me to the limits most days. More often than not, as soon as my husband gets home, it takes all my energy to stay downstairs and continue to engage with the family when my body and brain longs for mind numbing TV and a soft comforting bed. I always had that down time, I made sure of it when I was younger. I didn’t know at the time that this was a way for me to deal with the world and calm my senses that were constantly being bombarded, especially in a fast paced and loud city like Manhattan.  Looking back I did a lot of self care and I didn’t think about it or call it that at the time. I rested at home a lot after work. I did yoga. I made a point to get good sleep.

This all changed with children. I no longer had the freedom to quiet my mind in a peaceful environment. I was no longer left alone! The constant noise of demands from all of them at once drives me to the brink on a daily basis. But luckily I have my husband and the knowledge that it’s normal and harder for an HSP to be a parent and I can congratulate myself for making it this far and support myself when it gets hard knowing it will get better soon. 

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