I am at my wit’s end. My 22-month old daughter is screaming her head off (off and on) when I put her down for her nap! She’s calling me and yelling for 15 min until she finally falls asleep only to wake up 45 min later. This is my only me-time I get all day and I need it! You see, I have 3 other children, ages 11, 9 and 7 who are, luckily, in school during the day. This is my break time, doesn’t she know that? Once the other kids get home, it’s non-stop!

On certain days of the week, I also have a nanny that comes so I can catch up on some work and personal things. On these days, she’s like a little angel. Does everything with Maggie with a smile and an agreeable nod. She doesn’t squirm when she’s changing her dirty diapers. She happily goes down for her nap and sleeps for what seems like hours. She sits in her highchair and munches away on her lunch with an easygoing air about her. Let me tell you, this is NOT my experience. There is a lot of crying, begging to be held, fighting to be changed and to sit in the highchair. And lots of thrown food. Ugh!

I’ve witnessed this with all my other kids so I know it’s not just the baby. This is true science, it happens with ALL kids. I wanted to get to the root of this phenomenon. Here’s what I discovered.

Children normally feel the most comfortable around their primary caregiver, often the mom. This whining and crying is a sign that they feel the most attached to their mom, it’s -I dare say it-normal and healthy. They save all their range of emotions for the mom and are looking for a safe space to test the boundaries. If you are experiencing this, know that your child just loves you so much and feels comfortable. It’s a compliment, as one of my teacher friend’s has told me. Well, they have a funny way of telling me they love me! 

While, like I said, this different behavior with mom is normal and bound to happen, there are some things that can make it easier.

1. Creating firm boundaries and consequences
2. Looking at your parenting style, and your parenting fears.  It’s important to understand your underlying belief system about parenting, oftentimes it comes from how you were raised. Like, are you indulging their whims too much because you grew up in a very restrictive household? Does their crying trigger you in some way? Do you just give in because you don’t want to deal?

For me, it’s been difficult. I do feel I am a great disciplinarian, setting rules and structure for my kids. But if I dig deep, I see that I can be lax about follow through and often get busy with everyone else in the house so I definitely indulge the baby more. Who can blame me when they are all asking for my help with something at the same time, while I am trying to make dinner, my husband is calling on the phone, and now she wants to be held???? Sesame Street to the rescue!

If I look within, I know that this is just a phase and that all of my children will be more self-sufficient as they get older. In the meantime, I can work on creating a better structure for our day when I am alone with the baby. I can also create ways to keep her busy with healthy activities (so less TV) and feeling loved all day so she’ll naturally feel more agreeable to the diaper changes and nap. Then, by some miracle, our day will go as well as when she is with our nanny. 

If I can just hold on for the ride, it will get better….Supermom to the Rescue!

Please follow and like us: